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 Wasteds poetry review...

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Wastedxwithxtime
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Female Posts : 310
Join date : 2009-07-23
Age : 24
Location : Somewhere in the depths of hell

PostSubject: Wasteds poetry review...   Fri Jul 24, 2009 4:23 am

Hello.. ^.^
here you can review any of the poetry that i post..
please put the title of the poem before the review.
Thanx!

--Wasted ^.^

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xirius
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Male Posts : 14
Join date : 2009-07-23
Age : 28
Location : Ireland

PostSubject: Re:Why do you yell?   Fri Jul 24, 2009 4:00 pm

I really like the use of emotion behind this poem, I think it works really nicely, and the poem flows to get the message across simply and directly.

My only criticisms would be that there are one or two slight spelling errors, no big deal, and that I wouldn't worry too much about trying to make it rhyme. I know it can really help the poem to flow but there's really no harm in just getting the message across and worrying about the style later.

Really good work, I look forward to seeing more Smile
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xirius
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Age : 28
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PostSubject: Re: Wasteds poetry review...   Fri Jul 24, 2009 4:15 pm

Re: Why do I even try

I really like this one too, I especially like the ending line "My tears have finally dried", it seems torn between moving past the pain and having been consumed by it.

I also really like the line
"I promised you forever..
and I meant it...
did you?"


My only real criticism would be that the lines;
"Why do I even try..
with all the days that go by..

you would think something good would happen..
but everything bad happens."

aren't very clear,
maybe something like

"Why do I even try,
when time after time, you pass me by,

I've waited and hoped for something dear,
but now it's all replaced with fear."? Just a suggestion.
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Bloody_Maiden
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Female Posts : 775
Join date : 2009-07-23
Age : 26
Location : A future undecided...

PostSubject: Re: Wasteds poetry review...   Fri Jul 24, 2009 4:32 pm

Re: Your Voice

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. Shows truth and love. Just lovely work.

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Wastedxwithxtime
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Female Posts : 310
Join date : 2009-07-23
Age : 24
Location : Somewhere in the depths of hell

PostSubject: Re: Wasteds poetry review...   Fri Jul 24, 2009 4:33 pm

xirius wrote:
Re: Why do I even try

I really like this one too, I especially like the ending line "My tears have finally dried", it seems torn between moving past the pain and having been consumed by it.

I also really like the line
"I promised you forever..
and I meant it...
did you?"


My only real criticism would be that the lines;
"Why do I even try..
with all the days that go by..

you would think something good would happen..
but everything bad happens."

aren't very clear,
maybe something like

"Why do I even try,
when time after time, you pass me by,

I've waited and hoped for something dear,
but now it's all replaced with fear."? Just a suggestion.


wow. thats a really great sugestion!. I'm kinda jelouse lol.
everyone on here are so much better at writeing then I am.
but im practiceing.. writeing is my passion.. even though im not the best at it.
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Joker's Ace
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Female Posts : 900
Join date : 2009-07-19
Age : 31
Location : The ninth gate of HELL

PostSubject: Re: Wasteds poetry review...   Fri Jul 24, 2009 8:10 pm

That's why I asked you to join, Wasted. I love ya with all my heart, and I know you love to write. I also know the people here are the best to teach and help you expand your abilities. I really look forward to seeing how amazing you become. Just takes time and practice, hun, time and practice. ^_^

Oh, by the way, your poetry is incredibly powerful, and it's obvious it comes from the heart. Not only do I like, I love. =D

Ace

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