From the moment I stepped into the summer months and decided to make do with everything I know I had screwed up. College or university life is where it begins for me. So now 'sorry'is no longer my passage of words unless something bad happens and its my fault. I cannot help my feelings for those I learn to care for deeply. It's human. I have learned so much this summer and accepted myself slowly, and said screw all those who judged me. But that's not the point in my life now. I know everything I do will not always help those closest. I learned from someone recently you must find it in yourself. This summer I realized I was doing that, shaping my feelings and trying to accept the changes coming before me. I torn up some of myself in the process of it all. It is not insanity its the ability to grow inside and not let things take advantage or mess up your mind. I remember to well my weak self and still I try to better myself, but I am a person willing to grow becoming what I want not what others expect of me. I try and try again, falling each time. Now I have the urge to try harder. Sometimes I feel I am pushed not intentionally by those who are meaning to help or just happy to hear from me. For me I am not a people person but who is 24/7 of their lives? I am simply love (online and rl) to see those I love smiling. I had to learn the hard way repetitively what it means, and I am still reminded of my past. I try to accept the positive changes, but I fear I will hurt those closest to me. I also fear real happiness for me (sometimes). Yet I am so tired of carrying guilt that should have been extinguished years ago. Forgive those fools whom tortured me in eighth grade and the betrayal of the dearest of friends. The truth is I need to accept this change even if comes upon me to quickly. I know I deserve this (In the end we all do). No more guilt for what has been done and can not be changed, I am growing inside slowly