Mai's Ramblings. xD

Subject: Mai's Ramblings. xD Mon Aug 10, 2009 1:20 pm

Old ones First-

Thoughts Of This-

From the time we breath life we sometimes forget what we are. Truly in the end we are nothing more than just mortals walking this earth, breathing, and sharing knowledge which is beyond our years. Can we truly say what is out in this world? Guessing, maybe even hoping answers will come upon us in the future. Here we linger, stuck in the same cycle, repeating of millennium of thinkers which brought forth our decisions and theories. Bare upon us the greatest opinions, which were shut down because they were out of the box came from these minds. Now I wonder what could answer the centuries old thought, what is out there? When in truth we will never know unless you have what is known as 'faith' in understanding, hope and belief. Maybe could the old age hate brought from our ancestors finally come to a rest. The belief to move forward and consciously making myself speak, but I quietly place my thoughts on paper. I would like to assess my thoughts and the thoughts of others. Ask and question everything to gain knowledge which others have gained, to observe in this unique world. Some have forgotten the world holds mysteries yet to be solved. So why continue on with this rambling because I wonder, my mind wanders, maybe it will continue after my death. Do minds/ thoughts of others die as well? Maybe so...There is still that 'hope'. Such an interesting term, which brought many together like 'Faith'. So strongly interconnected. A mystery yet to be solved.

Subject: Re: Mai's Ramblings. xD Mon Aug 10, 2009 1:27 pm

Let the Words Flow

For every moment I pause and think I consider everything I learn in majority of things; again I begin to ponder on another puzzling subject. Conceived in this unrighteous rambling. If only I could think more clearly. Believing one belief puzzles my mind. Concentration takes everything, but write I do not concentrate to hard. Instead I put myself in a blankness and let the words flow through my mental hand. Do some people actually try to improve their grammar? Just one part considering that those who try, might try to hard or they are just gifted with such eager skill with the right flow of words without incorrect wording. Adding to this thought later, I seem to have drawn away from my main point. I know words or literature. I believe you need more than just skill or ability or natural talent. There must be some sort of consciousness, which upon you can deliver a well told story. Some I consider are probably buried deep. As was mine. There is something deeper, like a running adrenaline just meant to be stirred in literature and general writing, which draws out the creative 'juices' or beauty. So I say if you have a story to tell don't deny the urge to write it or all else ends forgotten. One the tale in your mental notebook is gone it might be gone for good.

Subject: Re: Mai's Ramblings. xD Mon Aug 10, 2009 1:29 pm

A little Something For You-

From the bottom of my heart I could say billions of things which could explain my utmost gratitude in degrees not said too many people. Being able to have this chance to be able to meet so many different people in and out of reality and online is incredible. I doubted people would accept me as me. As many others have felt and still do. There is nothing I could say to make me myself clearer than how I say it now. Given this chance, I wish to express this to all and to myself the meaning of this gratitude towards those who would not or have not judged another upon their looks or beliefs. For this I am grateful to have met such good people. In the end most of us do judge (not always on purpose), there is no doubt about it. There are those who go to the extreme to make another human being miserable which is unfortunate. It is a lack of compassion or just plain ignorance upon another individual. It is a very saddening thing because it also shows fear on occasion. Rather ‘you’ consider this true is your opinion. I thrive on not trusting people, but I have learned that is better to put some trust or faith in some and accept people as themselves. I wish to thank my friends on here...

Subject: Re: Mai's Ramblings. xD Tue Aug 25, 2009 9:30 pm

Revelation Of Myself and Other things Surrounding Life.

From the moment I stepped into the summer months and decided to make do with everything I know I had screwed up. College or university life is where it begins for me. So now 'sorry'is no longer my passage of words unless something bad happens and its my fault. I cannot help my feelings for those I learn to care for deeply. It's human. I have learned so much this summer and accepted myself slowly, and said screw all those who judged me. But that's not the point in my life now. I know everything I do will not always help those closest. I learned from someone recently you must find it in yourself. This summer I realized I was doing that, shaping my feelings and trying to accept the changes coming before me. I torn up some of myself in the process of it all. It is not insanity its the ability to grow inside and not let things take advantage or mess up your mind. I remember to well my weak self and still I try to better myself, but I am a person willing to grow becoming what I want not what others expect of me. I try and try again, falling each time. Now I have the urge to try harder. Sometimes I feel I am pushed not intentionally by those who are meaning to help or just happy to hear from me. For me I am not a people person but who is 24/7 of their lives? I am simply love (online and rl) to see those I love smiling. I had to learn the hard way repetitively what it means, and I am still reminded of my past. I try to accept the positive changes, but I fear I will hurt those closest to me. I also fear real happiness for me (sometimes). Yet I am so tired of carrying guilt that should have been extinguished years ago. Forgive those fools whom tortured me in eighth grade and the betrayal of the dearest of friends. The truth is I need to accept this change even if comes upon me to quickly. I know I deserve this (In the end we all do). No more guilt for what has been done and can not be changed, I am growing inside slowly.

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