GI Joe: Rise of Cobra

Not to be confused with it's pornographic equivalent, GI Joe and the rising trouser-cobra. This movie was pretty. It had pretty car chases, pretty swordfights, and pretty explosions. As well as a high number of campy jokes to the franchise.

This movie's plot was actually a shade too intelligent for what I wanted from the franchise, as well as cobra operatives who seemed to know how to actually hit targets with their guns. For some reason they shot blue lasers instead of red ones, and GI Joe shot no lasers at all, but such a transgression could be forgiven.

The only real problem with this movie in my eyes was the choice of Joes. Brendan Fraser was Flint for all of about 10 seconds, then apparently they couldn't pay him enough to do a second scene. And this movie had Ripcord, Heavy Duty and Breaker.

But it didn't have Sergeant Slaughter. No GI Joe movie should ignore the greatest of all GI Joe characters, so awesome he was not only in the cartoon and cartoon movie, but in professional wrestling.

I give it two stars out of five, three out of five if you're drunk or stoned so the explosions, fighting, and attractive actors and actresses are enough eye candy that you ignore your brain enough that it matches the amount the movie wants you to ignore your brain.