Random

I ponder on what it means to feel. To understand fully the concept of this and the whole world. I lost to my thoughts. So can one explain feeling and how over powering it can be, such as guilt. To feel guilty, very much so that it overwhelmed the mind and clouded a sensible person. So feeling is a clouding. It's sometimes over powering and other times it's simple and pleasant. In a way this is how I have been feeling for the past few days (no not emo) there is a great difference. It is not pity upon myself or self loathing. The heavy weight of guilt that pressures me down and I need to learn to deal. So I thought maybe if I could fully understand feeling then maybe then guilt would be a less heavy burden. To know when you are close to hurting someone you love with words or actions. To know you are worth something more and not less. An individual who is not bad but good or even better. Though some might give you too much credit as I feel sometimes they do. Sometimes I feel people give me too much credit for being a great person or sweet. Day by day I struggle with the fact that I am human and the past is the past. Nothing will change it.

So feeling I don't think I could define it properly to help me lift this heavy burden. All I can do is take a step forward one by one and understand the wrongs and make sure that nothing it repeated. I am not shameful human being. I am one who knows love and wants love for myself. So guilt put aside I want to know feeling in more varieties. I want to understand why it is we have these in a more complex form than other animals. So yes I seek out the truth! The truth of these feelings also known as emotions. Why are there such useless ones that serve us no purpose? I suppose my own way of defining feeling is through my story writing. As each character in it if they are immortal embody an emotion such as 'happiness, optimism, cruelty, darkness, and generosity'. Seeing each one in living form sort of defines each one. If that makes since to anyone.

So through my struggle, I will find my definition of feeling. I will have to uncover many truths about something on my own.