Kaelyn's Poems

Any whoo. Feel free to take a look. There's a review thread and I'd appreciate any critique or comments you have to be put there. Thanks!

Let me Unwrap my Brain

Spoiler:

Fading Splendor

Spoiler:

Crazy Under those Harsh City Lights

Spoiler:

Non-Toxic Glue in my Eyes

Spoiler:

Exploding Eyes and Dim Supernovas

Spoiler:

Deep Fried to Mask the Sorrow

Spoiler:

Save Me
(this one's pretty old, but it's nicer than most of my other stuff so I thought I'd post it.)

Spoiler:

This next one is my poetry baby. Seriously. I love it more than anything. Sorta.

Graphite-Covered Laughter

Walking home today, I thought of you, walking home too
And it made me remember how much laughter I’d had,
In a classroom where laughter is few,
Where every reaction is measured and watched
And everything said and done is quantifiable.
But each laugh is of quality,
And the quantity is only a byproduct.
And while sitting in the front row,
You tell me I should face my fears,
And it helps me face the ones unsaid;
Those secrets so silent, that I never have to say
For friendship is better than silence
And silence is better than hate,
In a world where people can’t sit and just laugh,
You and I can fill a room with it…
Or fill a page with nonsense
Instead of the equations and the shapes
That were forced upon us when we first met.
And now the only shapes we draw or see
Are the smiling faces or suns
Illuminated on our graphite-covered hands.
Spelling out a Happiness.
For B stands for my name,
And U is for yours. Although I’m not sure why, but
You once said that meaning could be found
In all sorts of random necessities
And friendship could be found over constant change.
Because as humans, we tend to change
But friendships stand constant.
For friendship is better than silence.
And silence is better than hate,
In a world where people can't sit and just laugh,
You and I can fill a room with it.

The Murder of a Don of Sorts

The lights grew dim and the flowers grew fresh
Amongst the young feeling of the day’s dusk
Awaiting its lover’s soft kiss in the darkness
Every detail perfectly set to match the mood
From the silk on the table or the crystal of the vase
Creating heart-shaped wrinkles with the pressure

A lovely girl sets the last bit in its very place
A lighted candle to signify a burning desire
The flame growing brighter in anticipation
The girl sinks slowly into the lonely shadows
To watch the night’s events unfold before her
While she slowly creates her own blackest demise

From the very back of the room the girl could tell
Don Juan found his perfect love on his arm
Whom he loved more than platonically at the moment
She cringed with the utmost care in their presence
“You seem more like Don Quixote,” she whispered
As she poured red wine into their champagne glasses.

The lovers didn’t seem to notice the girl’s snide remarks
They held each other as if not one but them remained
And didn’t notice the meal that had been put before them
“There’s a darkness before you, good sire, my love”
The girl whispered as she left to watch the evening transpire
As the meal before them ran cold into the daring night

But it only took a spoonful, craftily fed to him
By his new lover who though it was a sign of love
Until he began to choke on his loving sighs to her
Which is when he saw the girl, hiding skillfully
Carefully in the shadows of the servant house
“Who dares to take away my love, my passion?”

The candle on the table fell as the girl stepped into the light
Extinguishing itself as he faded away into memory
“My lover spurned me for loving him for who he really was inside”
She said as she ran her fingers along the thorned flowers
And Don Juan, formerly Quixote brought his own demise
By choking on his own final words of mortality

His love only understood his false promises of forever
Held his lifeless body to her chest in place of morality
“I loved him with my heart and soul” she cried with tears
At the girl with deathly poison on her hands and soul
Who replied with just as lifeless a reply as Don

“I loved him once too.”

Clear Answers to Questions Unknown

What happened to our poetry,
Our over inflated words and double entendres
That would keep us laughing for hours?
What happened to our music,
Our indelible sounds and broken steel stringed guitars
That played as if made from gold and god?
What happened to our voices
Our over-abundance of screams and archaic noises
That started rebellion within the hearts of man?
What happened to us, darling
Our own faulty dictations
That faded away more each time?
My dear friend, what happened?


Untitled

So stop me in my poetic venture
My words aren’t worth the rhyme

Light Me on Fire, I'm ready to Burn

Light streams in the window pane,
Heating up the glass
100 degrees Fahrenheit
The life inside won’t last.
The corners bleached with darkened sight
Nothing ever seemed so good
Till the shade upon her closed
Like some small piece of barred wood
Legs fought against the rushing heat
Arms push against the glass
But she’s frozen solid, waiting
For her soul to melt so fast.
She tries to whisper to herself
The pain is just skin deep
And the only thing she’s feeling…
Its something she should keep.
The receptors as they’d called them
In her became so numb
But now she’s in the fire
Feeling like she should run
Not sure anymore of feeling
Not sure of all the pain
She screams out to her torturers
To take away her brain.
Take it out so she won’t know
Why she hurts so much.
Deceived by the fallacy
Of a fated faded touch.
Petals cover old bruises
Imperceptible to their eye
And fading through the window pain
Of one so set to cry.

A Sad Self-Portrait

They say She’s a mystery
Closed off to all
but a few who know her
But really all it is
Is a lack of personality
Forgetable
Like a bad ingénue
In a less intriguing play
She wants to talk about
Something meaningful
To learn more and more
To see the truth
But instead She gets
All of this
Incessant bullshit

Attention Deficit

She can’t escape it
One image
In her mind

Like literature taking over
Unwanted and blaring loud
An intoxicating thrash of metal

Interrupting, Erupting
Like an uncontrollable volcano

But

Covered in blue light
And hidden from
Her overactive Senses

Senses too much

She can’t see what’s she’s hearing
Or smell what she’s tasting
Overwhelming her
With the senses she
Doesn’t understand

It has her hiding away
From the crucial details

Get her away from
This thoughtful breathing
Its seem that her only

Connection

Will be lost.

Past Dreams

I used to dream of you sitting softly on my window sill
Thinking about the medicinal properties of thinking
Grand and living wise, I’m not sure if you were actually there
But I feel asleep as we spoke and didn’t want to lose you
In the darkness that crowded the corners of my sleep filled eyes
We met at a station curled in a sun-filled corner lot
Hoping, waiting, wishing for the right bus to come for us
It would have taken you home and yet, and yet
You used to say that while perched on my window sill
You were already home within the unfamiliarity
But perhaps it was just a dream and you’ll fade away
Under your own city lights, more real than my own
Because maybe we weren’t so close as those magnets
We used to play with as children and maybe the real medicine
Is waking up in the morning, sun streaming through windows
Reveling in the memories of what used to be.

A Knight in tarnished armor

My courageous lover,
My knight in armor grand.
You left me to ride
Into the night, dark night
Upon a beaver's back.

Varily, aye!
It didn't quite make sense
But your chivalrous nature
Never quite made sense
to me

But I believe the beaver
Sure did appreciate its new job
Instead of the puns it was
Forced to behold in
Previous years.

My courageous lover,
My misguided friend.
Take your moss covered sword
Dull metal to a shine
Give it new meaning

And stick it in my side
I swear by the gods
(if there are gods)
I will not cry.
You've done worse.

Mistress of the Hunt

You are my Pride
My Lion Pride, my jungle princess
Your roar is mightier
Your wrestling playful
Like those lions on the Discovery Channel

Those paws are raised but playfully
And in your maw I was cleaned
Roar at me, sister!
Roar with your heart
And I’ll roar back but with emotion
That’ll break your strong lion heart.

Constantly, you protect me
Protect anything that’s yours,
That is mine
Like any self-respecting lioness,
Jungle princess,
Would be proud to do

My lioness, my protector

Sometimes we forget
You did not birth me
How could you have?
We come from the same father
You constantly remind me of that
But don’t forget, you combed my fur
And you created me
In ways that biology never could.

Teach me to pounce
So that I can enter that war
You always seem to be in the middle of
It’s a warzone out there
Yet, you fight for me
You fight for us all, jungle predator

But the Pride is less than prideful
Of all your achievements
They tap you on the nose
Like some sort of reprimand
Like you’re the one in the wrong
But, my Mistress of the Hunt, it’s them
Who are in the wrong.

You surrounded yourself with Hyenas
Laughing at you when
What you need most is a strong
Helping hand to guide you
“We were cut from the same thread,”
But you weren’t, Jungle princess

Your world is different than theirs
No matter how much you try
They are not your lion Pride.

So let me hold you in my paws
Please, let me be your Lioness
Your jungle predator,
Your loving princess,
And let me comb your fur
Because you created me in ways
Biology never could

Crafted, not Created

I was crafted,
not created,
by the moon’s beams and the hot summer’s melted wax,
Internally,
I meant nothing by it but it seemed that everyone else was offended.

I took a breath,
a long loud breath and with oily fingers they pointed,
stared,
wondering how I’d made it this far.

This far with a wound in my throat,
one stocking on my foot,
but I didn’t know,
I didn’t really care.

I didn’t know how wrong it was,
how wrong I was to think about nothing else but the sound.

It was the sound of angels,
or so I thought,
you mix your words,
I miss mine.

I forget the words I need,
dislocate the ones I use to speak,
to sing.

I sing to you and all you can say is that I was crafted from wood
far different from your own,
like a hollowed out canoe,
carting indigenous folk around the rivers to catch their food,
to go to war.

War,
war,
war.

Yesterday I thought that war was nothing but a useless tool,
but now I see that war is an inevitability.

We need war like we need water
or the moon’s beams or hot summers melted wax.

What else would keep us busy?
What else would create us?
The only way to keep our pride is to send out those fireworks
and claim the deaths are worthy of something greater,
like a monument with their name carved in small font,
unreadable to those who want to see it most.

Crafted,
like I was,
to cover mistakes with melted wax
and reflect those moon beams,
uncharted.

Children, Give Up Your Power to Science

I was shrouded in darkness
But familiarity didn’t scare me.
I opened my eyes and the sights
Greeted me with a subtle hello.
Recognition was in store
Especially in that odd closet.

Close, clothes, clothe, clothing.
There was no clothe in the closet.
Those desperate shelves
Remained empty of worldly
Pleasures and goods.

All but the dust hung in the air
Like a layer of smog over a bustling city.
The carpets were stained with gray,
As were the children that lined
The walls and shelves of their prison.

A few steps and I too faded into dull obscurity.

Machine like fingers sat in the center
Emitting a bright constant stream of light.
For continuities sake, it let out a monotone buzz.
The buzz lulled the children into complacency.
Lulled me into its cold, cold stare…

A warm hand on my shoulder stopped me.
A young girl with sad eyes and worn hands
Looked up at me in wonder and missing innocence.

Her garish blue gown drowned out her eyes,
But she didn’t seem to care.
“I cannot leave, I dare not leave,” she sang
And began to replicate the humming hands
That sang with bright light.

I refused to believe
It was the machine that was keeping her there
The girl nodded as if to confirm my fears.
“The parents take us away when they are ready.
But not you my friend.
You do not have to be a prisoner.”

It's Not Love

I.
Yesterday, we held hands
And the sky opened up

Through the storm clouds
A light shown through
Warming up our pale faces

II.
You leaned your head
Against my shoulder

I could sense the smiles
Multiplying into happiness

And your hair tickling my skin

III.
You squeezed my hand tighter
And I swear, I swear
I could see into oblivion

Creating Creativity

I.
It died, suffocated in the confines of a box
Rember the day it did?
It was the day mother begged and pleaded that
Friend was foremost, mattered more than life
Stick by them and don’t stray one bit

It was a wall built with duplos and legos
A wall of rules, and it shut out
All of the light needed to thrive
Because sunlight feeds the happy beings
I suppose we photosynthesize happiness

II.
I remember the day it returned
“I love you,” echoed through my ears
I could not confine it with the rules I’d built
In fact, I spread my arms wide like a tree
As I told you I didn’t care, didn’t mind
If they all hated me for it or not.

They didn’t matter.

I could photosynthesize that same feeling
Any time.

III.
It found an open window wide inside
It escaped and the perfect words flew back
Into my mouth, into my mind
Leaving its old feathers on the wind.
Fresh and new to start again

Again the words “I love you” echoed
And finally, my words anew
Came out like I was shooting an arrow at the moon
“I love you, too, I love you too."

The Anniversary

I understand I blew our chance
For happiness and true romance
It seems an entire year’s gone by
I’ve taken too much time to cry
Now that I look back in worry,
It was year I wished to bury
But now’s the time to say so long
Good bye, my darling,
That’s it, I’m done

Last October you professed to me
Who you were and what you wanted to be
A promise to return in thirty days
But none listen to what a young girl prays
Days just passed and you were gone
Left me to wonder what I did wrong
I pined and pine and pined for you
But darling, good bye
‘cause now we’re through

I spent a month rolling on the ground
Covered in mud, no light to be found
So ashamed of who I’d become
But there was no place I could run
All thoughts and actions lead to you
No hole or tunnel to just push you through
I don’t blame you for my admitted sins
Still, goodbye, sweet darling
From where it never begins

You burned next month into my skin,
Loving you felt like a sin
I bathed myself in your faery dust
Hoping at once I must combust
I began to doubt your existence
Creating for me a sort of resistance
You can’t be fake but you are not real
Good bye, I miss,
I will not feel

Spring sprung forth and brought new life
You grew my thorns of hate and strife
In the summer, you built up wall
And from the top I tried to fall
I buried myself into the sand
Trying to find a safe place to land
The month past when I met you
Goodbye, old friend, you know it’s true

November 1st, a year’s gone by
I’ve taken too much time to cry
I’ve hurt myself when I grieve
Because you decided to up and leave
I’m not blaming you for leaving me
I used cling to what could be
But I’ve grown wings and branches and leaves
Good bye, old love,
Something relieves.

Yes, now’s the time to say we’re done
Good bye, my darling,
...I’ve finally won.

A Lullaby for a Lullaby

Sing me to sleep,
but don't let the shadows
crowd your voice
My ears are tired
My ears are sleepy

Sing me to sleep
And tell me how
to rule my own dreams
My security is fading
My security is gone

Sing me to sleep
Soft tenors crooning
about a single sound
My mind is tired
My mind is sleepy

So weary Mother
Old Weary Father
Please, sing me to sleep
And I'll sing you awake in the morning.

A Character Reference

I know, I do know
What it is like
To be so alike
To be so akin
I've bean, I've been
I've been born
So a like, so close
To my kin

Hourly, minutely, close
To my kin, close
To him. Out of
The fabric, the same kind
Close to him,
My brother,
My kin

So you see, I do know
What it is like
I have something
To judge on this
I've had kinship
My entire
Life.

And this, my friend,
It pushes him out
It buries me in
But it makes me
Succinct.
I know,
My words,
They normally stink.

But listen to me,
You give me words
And hope and joy.
A necessity
Like socks
on my feet
Or a hat on my hair

As the door closes
And the light dims
And near
Or not,
We drive away
rain off the rims
You will always
Be here.

Where the Heart Isn't

It’s hard to understand a reality
In which the world turns and
The heat of the morning sun
In the window disrupts broken sleep.

It’s difficult to believe a life
Where the motions of hands and
Crashing of sounds control and create;
A statement to dominate.

It isn’t deliberate,
nor is it under his control.

Not anymore.

It’s impossible to know
When a decision is made,
Unless you know the times before.

The time where he backed into a corner,
using his feet,
using his voice.
A proper punishment for an improper boy.

The time with giant hands and giant eyes,
pushed away rebellion and self-worth into a closet,
dark and full of spiders.

A fear never fully vanished.
Standing in his arms,
Asking for forgiveness.

Normal, he begs, normal for all.
He’s not sorry, he’s not sorry at all.

Stand by him, love him,
She asks and she pleads, he’s never broken a bone
Or made someone bleed. Please.

Don’t stand up, be someone else, be silent
For your own sake. For God’s sake.
Change so you in turn may live
With a roof and a pillow-case over your head.

It’s hard to understand a reality
In which you have no control
Of who you are, of what to say
Where you sleep, and what you pray.

It isn’t deliberate,
nor is it under his control.

Not anymore.
Not anymore.

Ran Away

Last night I awoke
You were gone
Away from it all
The hollow points
Of your swollen shoes
But ghost prints
In the dew covered gravel
I looked for you
Cried out for you
But you were gone
Away from it all
The sunken pits
Of your hollow eyes
Grief covered shallows
Last night I awoke
To find you’d gone
Away from it all
I wish you at least
Could have said
Goodbye.


A Vanish'd Year

Don’t leave a mark
Grow up in the dark
Yet died in the light
This journey embark’d
Spring up each May
Crumbled down each day
When spring returns
It had all gone away
New tears to cry
A solid goodbye
No strength for the fight
No strength left to die
But come back anew
A light in the dew
For passion yearns
Passion un-subdued
There’s strength in the light
With passion we fight
No longer we yearn
In strength all return

A Broken Reverie for a Broken Spirit

Beautiful hands bend and curl,
Twining, creating the heart of a girl,
Bitter and broken beyond all compare,
Going through nothing, more than she could bear.

Longing for someone
to hold her at night,
watching as others
hold on so tight

Bleeding from wounds that never existed
Spouting empty words outward, persisted.
Her mind races quick as it can
Philosophies and theories that could frighten a man

Longing for someone
to hold her at night,
watching as others
hold on so tight

Alone and afraid hoping there'd be
Something better than reality
Someone, anyone see her in the dark?
she's singing a song, quite like a lark.

Longing for someone
to hold her at night,
watching as others
hold on so tight

[Be as it may
Nothing changes
Not today]

Beautiful hands bend and curl,
Twining, creating the heart of a girl,
Bitter and broken beyond all compare,
Going through nothing, more than she could bear.

In the Dark with the Doors shut

There was a girl, you see
Knew there's no boy for me
And so I lied and sat beside
Those who didn't love me

Attraction in the air
but one I couldn't bear
All that was hid, could be undid
If I were allowed too.

Glowing lamplight in the street
Giving soft light to those it meets
Flicker now to say goodbye
Secrets hidden in reply

Secrets they grow and grow
Hard what I had in tow
That weight on my chest, to take a rest
But I didn't know how to

She was the one for me,
All that I couldn't see,
So I denied her and hardly tried
in the end revealing nothing.

Glowing lamplight in the street
Giving soft light to those it meets
Flicker now to say goodbye
Secrets hidden in reply

Am I afraid?
You cannot judge me.
But am I afraid?
Secret replies, hidden at night
Secret replies, hidden for right, hidden for flight
Judging me, right?

Glowing lamplight in the street
Giving soft light to those it meets
Flicker now to say goodbye
Secrets hidden in reply...

This Opera isn't a Tragedy

Baby,

When you sing out like that
and your voice goes higher than a
Rastafarian in a garden of weed,
but as natural as a nudist
Sitting on a beach,
I get tingles down my spine.
And it’s fine that most don’t understand
Your style and your moves,
I do, I do.

Stand so tall,
feet planted into the stage,
like you were born to be there,
there so long your feet grew
Into the wood and the wood
became apart of you.
A part of the art.

But baby,

Remember, I’ll still care about you
If your voice doesn’t reach
those astronomical heights
Or if it goes sharper than a yoshi knife.
I’d still get tingles down my spine.
Just by looking at your eyes,
a perfect design.

Such a perfect design.

Different than Living

Where I come from
the rain beats down heavy on the concrete,
cooling down the pavement
but I can't walk with bare feet.

Where I live
the rain falls onto giant fir trees
Growing up to the sky
so high I can climb up to the top
and touch the clouds with my fingertips,
grasp tree branches with naked toes.

Where I come from
sirens and red and blue lights
flashing into the night
are the exotic and electric butterflies
Searching for prey in the night.

Where I live
The electric colored butterflies
As big as my hands fly from the trees
And whisper magic into my ears

Where I come from
people are boxed up, in rooms, in houses,
locked up, boxed up but still expecting
Something...

Where I live
there are open fields,
stretching for miles
So we can stretch out our tired bodies on the grass
And let out thoughts flow into the soil

Where I come from
Is the last place I want to be

Where I come from
the only place I can live
Is so far, so distant
Yet, it's closer than it's ever been.

Not one for Vegetarians

You said we’d last forever on those
broken beats and vegetarian patties,
Deep fried in butter to mask the
god-awful flavor in the name of health
Those nights we'd sing a melody not worth hearing,
except to our already broken ears
We’d wait up for each other until
one fell asleep on our respective (not respected) linoleum floors
Word for word, laughing at each other's
pale likeness in the mirror

it didn't matter because
we'd both pretend we were beautiful

We’d say we were made to heal one another -
Our wounds and wipe away the tears
While sitting in an empty bath
full of air but still washing us clean of
All the wrongs we’d partaken in
every mistaken word we’d ever muttered.

But...

Time passes away and leaves sorrow behind
Empty baths are only ever empty and dry
Vegetarian Patties seem healthless and little known facts
Unwilling to crack under the willful pressure
of needy thoughts and minds take over and re-form
While one wrong word makes the safety of a structure

come

tumbling




down.

----
Unconfine and Redefine Me

I.
It died, suffocated in the confines of a box
Remember the day it did?
It was the day mother begged and pleaded that
Friend was foremost, mattered more than life
Stick by them and don't stray one bit

It was a wall built with duplos and legos
A wall of rules, and it shut out
All of the light needed to thrive
Because sunlight feeds the happy beings

I suppose we photosynthesize happiness

II.
I remember the day it returned
"I love you," echoed through my ears
I could not confine it with the rules I'd built

In fact, I spread my arms wide like a tree
As I told you I didn't care, didn't mind
If they all hated me for it or not.

They didn't matter.

I could photosynthesize that same feeling
Any time.

III.
It found an open window wide inside
It escaped and the perfect words flew back
Into my mouth, into my mind
Leaving its old feathers on the wind.
Fresh and new to start again

Again the words "I love you" echoed
Like rays of sunshine through the clouds
Through which my words grew anew and
Came out like I was shooting an arrow at the moon
"I love you, too, I love you too."